King Crabby Kitchen Nightmares

Greetings Friends,

It’s a very rainy west coast day. I am sitting on the couch with Goucha and sipping a cup of my favourite Silk Road Tea, Philosopher’s Brew. Although the west coast might seem like it is all sunshine and lollipops, I must warn you that what you are about to see is very disturbing. The Husband had the task of finding us our new home in Victoria while I was wrapping things up in Edmonton. He told me rented a two bedroom located in Oak Bay. It was close to bus routes and walking distance from shops and the beach. It sounded wonderful, and then I saw the kitchen. It is the dreaded apartment, galley kitchen despised by home cooks.

There is no dishwasher… not true… king crabby is the dishwasher. There is no counter space, there is only a single sink and the appliances are apartment sized.

I am sorry for the crappy pictures, but due to the small kitchen it was difficult to take photos. I thought the oven/stove was regular sized at first because it had four burners, but then I went to put things in the oven. I was wrong, oh was I wrong. The first time I went to use the oven the temperature knob broke off in my hand. Now we have a new knob, but the oven has only one temperature, smoking hot.

Those are two small baking dishes in the oven. One is an 8 by 8 and the other is a 8 by 10. I can not fit them into the oven at the same time. Half of my baking sheets are too large to fit in the oven.

At first I didn’t mind the size of the fridge, but on day two of my new west coast life I went to put a bottle of wine in the fridge (standing up) and gasp… it didn’t fit. And you know how crabby, king crabby gets when she can’t get her wine on.

Also the freezer is tiny. It is a good thing I didn’t put my freezer in storage. Instead I put it in the dinning area.

It has been great. I use it as extra counter space and I have it half full with west coast food goodness. The good news is this place is temporary until we sell the place in Edmonton and find a permanent place to live in Victoria. Until then I will solider on and try not to lose my temper too many times.

Posted by King Crabby

Let’s Play A Game

It’s called “What do I do with this?”

Before my niece K departed for her New Zealand home, she bequeathed me a box of assorted foodstuffs she and her vegetarian boyfriend left at my sister’s house when they were here for an extended visit last year. I know what most of the stuff is but I could use suggestions for what to do with it.

1. Tapioca

I’ve always liked tapioca, but why is it pink and green?

2. Black sesame seeds

3. Seaweed. Don’t know what kind.

4. Dessicated coconut. Fresh coconut = yum. Dessicated coconut = yuck.

5. Wheat germ. I already know what to do with it: toss it! I hate the taste of wheat germ at the best of times, but this one is at least a year old so it’ll be rancid. Double yuck.

6. Nata de coco (coconut gel)

7. Red (azuki) beans

8. Gulab jamun mix

9. Instant soup (miso, I think). No English instructions.

10. Mango custard. Obviously I’d make this according to the instructions on the package, but reading the ingredients I don’t think I want to: cornstarch, artificial mango flavor, amorphous silicon dioxide, tartrazine  yellow, allura red.

Posted by Jean Poutine

The Horror

It was too rainy for my sister’s regular Wednesday golf game, so instead we went to my parent’s house to do some cleaning. She did a basement room and I cleaned the fridge.

Not for the squeamish. Proceed with caution.

Before

Terrifying! Not one square centimeter of free space to put another thing. Multiple bottles with a quarter of an inch of barbecue sauce in the bottom. Mysterious unlabeled Tupperware containers full of brackish liquid.

No less than three jars of water blessed by the priest. My mom claims it never goes bad. What she uses it for is beyond me. I was careful not to get any on my skin – just in case.

Contents of the condiment door

I consolidated what I could and threw out what was vile.

You get something out of this, King Crabby.

I think it’s never been opened. It has a barcode so it can’t be that old (I don’t think they can go bad anyway – the cockroaches will be feasting on them long after human life has disappeared from the earth).

After

Note all the empty space! And the absence of mold! (and the single jar of holy water on the middle shelf).

My back is killing me.

There wasn’t time to do the freezer – I’ll do it another day.

Before you ask – I’m not cleaning your fridge. Or anyone else’s.

Posted by Jean Poutine